Recapping April
Life blocks and spring fever mania
April seemed to end as quickly as it began. The best word to describe the my feeling towards this month is frenzy. It feels fitting as I found myself delving into a sort of “spring fever mania”. I’m not sure what it is about the first warm days of the year in the Bay Area, but I lose all sense of structure when they arrive. Knowing the foggy days of summer are imminent, I use the perfectly sunny days as an excuse not to keep my desires at bay. As a result, I find myself saying why not to too many plans whilst creating a bit of a hectic nature to my routines. This, coupled with taking on a heavier workload and apartment searching, resulted in lacking the energy for creative pursuits (aka the will to write this newsletter). Yet, I wouldn’t say that I was running up against writer’s block, but what I’m going to call life blocks.
I came across a post from a writer on here called Strawberry Oyster. The post is titled i’m so sorry i’m not there for you. I enjoyed reading this piece and relating to their perspective on the topic of life getting in the way of creativity. In particular, the following snippet resonated:
“really the work i make is what it is because i am most and only loyal to myself. sometimes i have no way of letting you know what’s going on because i don’t yet know what’s going on, and i’ll need some time in this life to learn what the fuck is up. i’ll have good stories when i do, i promise.”
I’m particularly fond of the language around loyalty to self and how that’s reflected in art. To me, writing as an art form is a vulnerable practice. I use it to expresses this loyalty of understanding/discovering myself in the context of the world around me. While a passion, there are moments when the world around me becomes inaccessible to verbalize and I am forced to take the time to learn “what the fuck is up”.
That happened a lot this month. I found myself in old mindsets, compounded by forced rest due to an injury, and was faced with trying to learn how to not to spiral into my shadows. While this is all coming off dramatic, it was where I found myself. The realization that came was solidifying my values around having hobbies and habits that give me a place to process the parts of myself I’d rather not welcome. It’s becoming comfortable with accepting these aspects and not working against them; not letting my desire to be free alter into escapism.
As always, I’ll share this month’s playlist. The theme is playing off having to quell my spring fever mania; the sun always reveals your shadow. Enjoy.
While the search for balance and clarity continues, the sun is still shining and I’m going to bask in it’s glory. I hope you find time to do so too.
With care,
Liz